Noodle Cups: Infrequently Asked Questions

Why? Dear God, why?

I answered that one on the front page.

Do you have a stapler?

No.

How do you determine the number of stars and chili peppers each cup gets?

Purely subjectively. If I think it's unusually good, it tends to get about 2½ stars. Average cups get 2 stars, and particularly unsatisfying ones get fewer. Chili peppers tend to range from 0 to 3. One indicates a half-hearted sort of spiciness, and three an authentically burning heat. Unlike Eudora, we use all three possibilities. I haven't eliminated the possibility of needing 4 peppers, but it hasn't happened yet.

I'd like to find a vegetarian/MSG-free/kosher/halal soup. Do you have a simple resource for this?

Not yet. I'm working on adding symbols to indicate MSG-free and vegetarian soups to the summary table, as well as maybe other symbols. You can read through the detailed information for each soup to search for meat and MSG, but that's slow. Also, vegetarian/MSG-free information is based solely on manufacturer data and may not be accurate.

I have allergies. What soups can I eat?

If your allergies are mild, I honestly suggest trial and error. If you have allergies which can cause severe discomfort, permanent damage, or death, then don't take my word on anything -- you probably shouldn't take the manufacturers' words on most things either, since sometimes the ingredient lists are inaccurate. In particular, serious allergies to shellfish (especially shrimp), milk, soy, and wheat should probably preclude consumption of any noodle soups absent very good information that they're safe for you to eat: even flavors which don't feature shrimp or lactose are frequently produced in facilities which use lactose and shrimp powder, and contamination is not only possible but likely.

Do you accept donations?

Money and soup are cheerfully accepted. Other forms of desiderata would probably also be welcome.

How about reviews?

Sure! Send them to me, and if they express a different stance on the soup than I posted, or better yet review a soup I haven't tried, I'll put it up.

How about bribes?

What, you need to bribe a hack so he'll give your cheap soup a good review? Don't you have something better to do with your advertising budget?

My corporate/retail/advocacy/reviews site isn't listed on your links page. How can I get it added?

Tell me the URL, and if I see it as germane I'll add it to the links list.

Hi! I represent the Public Relations Department of Happy-Fun-Soup, Inc., and we're going to sue you for libel.

Most of what I put on these pages is my opinion only. You may not think it's very nice, but it's truthful and not actively malicious. If I have a factual error, on the other hand, see the next question.

You say that Happy-Fun-Soup has 5 grams of cholesterol. I think you mean milligrams.

Whoops! I'm not infallible, although I try to avoid mistakes. Rest assured that if there is a mistake, it's accidental, and if you point it out to me, I'll fix it. I have no intent to malign soups on the basis of nothing whatsoever, not when so many have a solid foundation on which to be maligned.

The numbers you have down for a soup seem to be much higher than those actually on the label.

A lot of soup labels list nutrition information per serving, with a fairly arbitrary definition of "serving". The Nong Shim Udon, for instance, claims to consist of 2.5 servings. I would wager that the number of people who have made this soup then divided it among themselves and 1.5 friends numbers in the low single digits. Noodle soups appear to me to be the definitive self-contained snack, so I think nutritional data for the bowl as a whole is a more useful metric. So these numbers are arrived at by multiplying all given nutritional information by the quotient between "serving size" and "net weight".

Hi! I represent the Legal Department of Happy-Fun-Soup, Inc., and we're going to sue you for trademark infringement.

I would dearly love to recognize your trademark. Tell me where on the page I fail to recognize it and I'll rectify the situation. Don't bother to sue me first and ask questions later; I have no money. Why else do you think I would eat so much Ramen?

Hi! I had a nasty allergic reaction to the buckminsterfullerine in Happy-Fun-Soup. Your ingredient list didn't mention that Happy-Fun-Soup contains buckminsterfullerine!

Inaccuracies may creep in to this page, and I acknowledge that; between errors by the manufacturer and my errors, I can't guarantee the nutritional information here is accurate. If you have serious allergies or for any other reason (such as religious) shouldn't eat specific foods, consult a medical or otherwise appropriate professional (i.e. not me) before eating anything of dubious ingredients.

Do you have a stapler?

No.


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