2/19/96

Sometimes I tell people that I have no desires. This isn't exactly true. 
When people ask me what I want, I usually reply "I don't want anything." 
This is partly right. There isn't any _thing_ I can point at and say that 
I want it. One major reason for this belief is that I don't believe in 
ownership, but that's another story. I think a more appropriate answer to 
the question might be "I want nothing," or better yet, "I want Nothing." 
It is nothingness, emptiness, silence, uselessness, _nonactivity_ which 
the Taoists speak so fondly of. The simplicity of the Uncarved Block. 
"When the Uncarved Block is cut up into pieces, / it is turned into 
specialized instruments. / But the True Person makes use of it whole / 
and becomes the master of the instruments." (Tao 28) The Uncarved Block 
is not an object, but rather a mental idea to focus one's simplicity 
around. 

What do I want? Freedom, understanding, experience, inner peace, mental 
discipline, tranquility, silence, emptiness. Nothing. These cannot be 
given or taken away by anyone. I invest my desires in very secure places. 
I only wish I had more people would share them with me.

I think it's a sad fact that I have never gone through an entire day 
without seeing another person. It goes to show how trapped we really are.