July 9, 1997

I live in two worlds, an outer world and an inner one. I have lived in and
experienced the outside world from childhood. However, I have only just
begun to explore my inner world. I often say that I embarked on an inner
journey six years ago. What I really mean is that I first became aware of
this inner world. Self-realization is really a simple awareness of the
inner world. Much of the inner conflict and depression I endured
throughout high school resulted from the apparent incompatibility between
these worlds. Even today, I find it difficult to maintain simultaneous
explorations of both worlds. This is my true motivation for taking a
semester off. I have spent many years in school learning about the outside
world, but have neglected inner cultivation. The inner world is at least
as deep and mysterious as the outside one. It deserves more attention and
value than most people place on it.

The clearest path to exploration of the inner world is meditation,
cultivating stillness and awareness of mind. I will practice both sitting
meditation and Tai Chi. Isolation is also important. I need to rid my life
of most major distractions and new input. Of course, philosophical
(Taoist) reading and nightly walk are important. My studies of the outside
world will continue, but they will have secondary priority. 

I suppose this is why I listen to other people so intently. I search for
how each individual deals with the existence of these two worlds. I
continually search for new ways to reconcile these worlds and bring them
into harmony. Eventually I will be able to break down the barriers between
these two worlds, so that there will be no distinction. As far as I can
tell, that might be the highest state of existence, if such a thing
exists. The phrase "become one with the Universe" is not an empty phrase.
It is the dissolvement of the distinction between inner and outer, between
self and other.